Anatoly hovered in the doorway, instinctively checking the Maps app for his route, he clicked ‘home.’ His heart sank as he saw his old address. Perhaps more accurate to say, one of his old addresses. The Focus series had hit a little close to home, the first question ‘What makes a good home?’ made him think sarcastically, ‘a roof’, ‘a door’, ‘a bed that’s mine’? The combination of arriving in London late September, rising rent prices and his lack of stable income history had meant he’d faced more weeks than expected sofa surfing. There would be moments of panic when he wondered what would happen if he couldn’t get into the place that he was sleeping that night. Would it be better to wander through the streets or hop from bus to bus overnight where at least it would be warm?
Church felt safe and warm, and he was grateful for the meal, though he dreaded the small talk, knowing the inevitable ‘Where do you live?’ would come up at least once. He would overhear others talking about their homes, improvements they were making, plans for Christmas, or just idle talk about what they would cook for dinner, and feel a deep seated sadness. Even the phrase ‘I can’t wait to go home’ would cause him to have to bite his tongue and blink back the tears.
He had found it unexpectedly triggering when the Focus series on ‘Home’ was announced. He had made an excuse and left, finding himself wandering the school playground, weeping. Home had been such a difficult place growing up. He just didn’t want to spend the whole term looking at the Bible’s idealised descriptions of the family home, finished off with happily-ever-after heaven.
That said, reflecting back over the term he was glad he had managed to get along most weeks. The leaders were so generous with their home, always glad to see him, making him feel comfortable and safe. He had been surprised to find the studies actually gave words to his nomadic experience. He was particularly helped by Ezra 3, where God’s people had experienced a combination of weeping and joy as they began to rebuild their ‘Home’ with God. Weeping and joy really resonated and helped him feel he wasn’t the only one feeling that way. He was taken aback to realise Jesus had nowhere to lay his head. His expectation that the Bible was just a happily-ever-after story, was proved wrong. He found great comfort to think that Jesus knew exactly what it was like to click ‘home’ on the Maps app only to be confronted with the fact you don’t have one. OK so maybe Jesus hadn’t used Maps but it was still a comforting thought!
Arriving at his destination, he reached into his pockets for his keys, panicking when he couldn’t find them, then remembered he didn’t have his own set. As he reached for the doorbell, the door opened. His friend had seen him through the window. He relaxed, feeling known, loved, accepted. Home is more than a roof, a door and his own bed. It is determined by the people we are with, the places that we feel welcome and wanted.
Anatoly is a composite character, woven together from threads of conversations over the course of the term. Anatoly reminds us that Jesus had nowhere to lay his head. Perhaps why he taught that whenever we open our homes to others, it is actually him we are welcoming?