A month or so ago we had a Globe Talks: Friendship morning giving us the chance to spend a few hours together as a Church family to think through a Biblical understanding of friendship and some really practical applications of what that looks like. 

I write these reflections as someone who cares deeply about friendships. Our relationships matter and we should be talking about them in all the beautiful ways they exist – we may be called to specific relationships in different ways; some will be called to marriage, some to singleness, but we are all called to friendship*. As with most things I care deeply about, I’ve talked about this (with friends!), I’ve prayed about it and have read a bunch of books on it. But I sit and write this as an imperfect friend; as the Lord sanctifies me and does the ongoing work of shaping me more into his image, it is no surprise that this is an area where I continue to be challenged, where my sin shows up and where there’s a lot of space I should be allowing Jesus to intervene. So, with that in mind…

Some reflections on friendship:

Friendship is a beautiful gift that reflects the God who created us 

We are made in the image of a relational God, our God who said ‘let us make mankind in our image’ and so we, too, are relational beings. And that is why our relationships matter; it’s why good friendships can bring utter joy into our lives; it’s why it stings when things don’t go well, and it’s why loneliness is so painful. We see examples time and again throughout the Bible of God using people and their friends, family and companions to encourage and build one another up and to ultimately see the Lord’s plans fulfilled. Moses partnered with Miriam and Aaron: they disagreed, they struggled, and they rejoiced together. We see Naomi and Ruth: Ruth’s commitment to Naomi even in the face of personal loss. Mary, Martha, Lazarus and Jesus are friends who shared meals together, lived their ordinary lives together, and also shared times of deep sadness. There are so many more but, first and foremost, friendship is a gift we have been given by the Lord that reflects our need for relationships and is a beautiful reflection of God’s character that we can enjoy here and now. 

We live in a world where friendships can be hard work

Our relationships and our friendships serve as a reflection of the perfection of God’s triune nature but we live in a world that is not perfect. As Ryan helped us unpack at the Globe Talks event, friendships can be hard and the sacrifice we are called to make for one another can be painful. As with our whole being, our relationships will one day be fully restored, but until then, we live in the reality of a world that is not all it should be. We are broken people loving broken people – and in some ways that’s a recipe for disaster! But we have a perfect example in Jesus of someone who – as we just spent time remembering over the Christmas season – took on human flesh, experienced all of the joys and hardships of the human condition, was fully God, AND needed his friends to the very end. Look at Mark 14:32-41 and we see Jesus – the one whose disciples had seen perform miracles with their very eyes – ask Peter, James and John to ‘stay here and keep watch’ whilst he prayed – he needed them. And yet he was also let down by them in the same passage: ‘he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping.’ Friendships will not be perfect, but that shouldn’t stop us from pursuing them.

We step forward in love, together

Ed Welch’s simple (but not simplistic!) idea in his book ‘Side by Side’ (would recommend a read) is that we are both ‘needy’ and ‘needed’. How we live alongside one another in church family should reflect this. We spend time with people and get to know people so that we can enjoy the good gifts we’ve been given both as we serve and are served. Time and energy is spent not simply in pursuit of what we can ‘get’ from a friendship, but in how we enable the whole body of Christ to faithfully steward God’s grace to one another. We pursue friendships because they reflect God’s nature; they will require sacrifice from us and, as is clear from what we see in lots of New Testament churches, will require quick forgiveness on all sides. But they are a gift we’ve been given this side of eternity to enjoy, with the hope of full relational restoration to come in the New Creation! 

There is so much more that could be said, lots more I’ve been thinking on this and hope that with the Globe Talks morning, this is the start of a broader conversation and chance for us all to think some more about how we can build and invest in friendships. Please do say hi at church and chat more if you agree/disagree/have other thoughts – I really love talking about this stuff and would love to hear what you have to say! 

* This could be a whole blog in and of itself, but I found the passages below a useful starting point of what we are called to as Christians, helping to build up a foundational picture of friendship:
– Jesus to his disciples as he prepares to leave them, Jn. 15.9-17; 
– Forgive and be patient, Eph. 4;
– Comfort and encourage, 1 Thess. 4&5;
– Enjoy God’s good gifts with one another, 1 Pet. 4. 8-10.

You can listen to Ryan’s talk from the Globe Talks: Friendship morning here.