*Please note, p0rnography is spelt with a ‘0’ in this blog so that readers with accountability software such as Covenant Eyes can still access this page. This blog was written by Maryke Jesudason and Rob Newton.

On the 10th June, members of our church family met to talk about the issue of p0rnography. We want to be a church that is open and safely vulnerable with one another. As p0rnography destroys our relationships with God and with each other, let’s guard our hearts carefully and support our brothers and sisters with love. A number of questions were asked at the event in the Q&A and this blog is an attempt to answer some of those. 

So, we’ve started the conversation as a church family, but what next? 

What is an accountability partner and how do I find one?

Accountability partners can be a fancy name for simply, a ‘close friend’. An accountability partner is someone who is willing to stick with you in the good and the bad, usually for the long haul. Therefore, you don’t necessarily need to ‘find’ one, it’s more ‘ask’ one, it needs both people to commit!

Most importantly, it needs to be someone you trust. Trust is key. You need to trust each other enough to be totally, completely honest. To share the whole truth and nothing but the truth. If you don’t have anyone who fits the bill, then feel free to chat to Maryke, John, or Rob, any member of the staff team, or an elder. We might be able to support you directly or put you in contact with people who can. 

What other support is available at Globe Church?

If you’d be interested in joining a book group, to read a book about fighting against p0rnography, then women should contact Emma (emma@globe.church), and men should contact Mike (mike@globe.church). We’ll see what interest there is and go from there!

What about talking to my boyfriend/girlfriend/the opposite gender about this?

Outside of a relationship, it may be unwise and inappropriate to discuss sexual sin in detail with the opposite sex. It is right to be open with the topic, but our accountability partners are the safe space where we can go deeper.

When in a relationship, it takes wisdom – wisdom because as a couple you grow together in your spiritual and emotional intimacy. Therefore, sharing your struggle with p0rnography on your week one anniversary probably isn’t wise! That being said, honesty is the best policy, so be praying that you would talk about this sooner rather than later. P0rnography is beaten when it is brought out into the light, not hidden in the dark. To love each other well is to carry each other’s burdens. You can reassure your partner of the good support system you have in place with your accountability partners – helping them to see that you are actively fighting this sin alongside others.

How much should I confide in a spouse?

The answer to this will always be different for each married couple, as we all have different thresholds for detail. These thresholds will become clearer over time, the more you talk about it. In marriage, your partner should be your closest confident and accountability partner. Make sure to keep at least one other accountability partner outside of your marriage too.

How do I know what “counts” as p0rnography?

By definition, p0rnography is ANY resource that is designed to stimulate sexual arousal. So this could be magazines, videos, books, comics, cartoons, photos, drawings, films and TV shows. Some people might think that cartoons or drawings or novels are permissible because it’s not using real people, so this negates the exploitative nature of the p0rnography industry. However, the Bible tells us that the greatest commands are these – to love the Lord our God, and to love others. Ask yourself, how does this material bring me to a deeper place of love for God and others. It is highly likely that the answer is it doesn’t. That material is for your own satisfaction. It is self-serving. That is our sign to flee from it.

What about the different media I consume?

When we are choosing what to watch, read and consume, we would argue you should limit your media as much as is necessary to free you from your sin in p0rnography.

It’s like walking along a coastal path. You wouldn’t walk as close to the cliff edge as possible without falling off, just for the sake of it. Instead, walk safely far away from the cliff edge to enjoy the view.

In the same way, why would you continue to access unhelpful media if you know it’s unhelpful, only for you to slip up and act out later on? Far better to put firm barriers in place if your recovery and freedom are worth it that much. Ask God now to show you what media this might be for you e.g. books, TV shows, comics. You might find software like Covenant Eyes helpful, or speaking to your accountability partner about your screen usage.

We are praying for you!

Get in touch:

Contact the staff team on info@globe.church. All contact will be handled with the utmost sensitivity and confidentiality.

Additional resources:

For those struggling: Naked Truth Recovery courses:

Ctrl Alt Del:

How to stop p0rn addiction? Step 1 – The Ctrl-Alt-Del Recovery Course.

Click 2 Kick:

Click to Kick – Naked Truth Project

Books

Counterfeit Gods: Tim Keller

Rescue Plan: Deepak Reju and Jonathan Holmes

Captured by a Better Vision: Tim Chester

Not Yet Married: Marshall Segal

Death of Porn: Raymond Ortlund Jr (aimed at men)

Purity is Possible: Helen Thorne (aimed at women)